Happy Saturday

Building Up Your Marriage

By Tracie Miles

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

When I married my husband over 23 years ago, I fully intended to unconditionally love, respect and admire him. I had great intentions of being the perfect wife, offering kind words, a romantic kiss and dinner on the table every evening.

But then careers took off, bills increased, children were born, laundry piles grew, and life became chaotic. Along the way I subconsciously created a measuring stick of expectations for whether my husband actually deserved my love and respect.

When marriage didn't meet the unrealistic expectations I had before the wedding, and real life kicked in, it became easy to fall into the habit of tearing down my husband and marriage.

It seemed the longer we were together, the easier it was to see each other's flaws, and mercilessly criticize them. This eventually led to short tempers, less tolerance, and a lack of marital bliss. Not what I dreamed my marriage would be when I said "I do."

Maybe you can relate? Have you noticed too that as a result of these frustrations, the gifts of unconditional love, respect and admiration that we fully intended to offer become gifts we withhold?
A few years ago I picked up a book written for wives. I was hoping to rekindle some passion in my marriage. Little did I know God would use truths shared in that book to get my attention and help me make some inward changes.

As I read, God convicted my heart about things I had said to my husband just days earlier. Critical comments that rolled off my tongue so easily, I now regretted deeply. Although I had fully intended to be my husband's biggest encourager, I had become one of his worst critics.

God helped me see the powerful influence I have on my husband and marriage when choosing words that build up. Words that encourage instead of discourage. Words that heal, not wound.
As women, we can build up or tear down our husbands every day, merely by the respect we give, the words we choose, and the amount of faith in him we convey.

Respect and admiration are two of the most powerful tools a wife has to influence her husband. Realizing I had fallen short in giving those two precious gifts to my man, I asked God to help me control my tongue. I asked Him to fill my heart and mouth with words that would make my husband feel admired, respected and loved, regardless of whether I felt he deserved it.

I knew I'd need God's help to follow through on my renewed intentions, so I asked for a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit when critical thoughts crept into my mind. God helped me avoid the temptation to say them out loud.

Within just a few weeks, I saw a change — in me, in my husband's demeanour, and in our relationship. A change that rekindled unconditional love, respect and admiration within my heart, thoughts and actions toward my husband. A change that reflected what I set out to give him all along.

Through our words of respect, and admiration, we can help our husbands become the great men God created them to be, and in turn, have we can have the marriages we fully intended to build. It will take patience, humbleness and grace, but it'll produce love, happiness and togetherness.

Dear Lord, help tame my tongue and focus on building up my man. Help me break free of the habit to criticize, even when warranted. Open my eyes to the positive, not the negative. Draw us closer, and help us both nurture a strong and loving marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

 
Daily Smile:
One rainy evening,a couple emerged from a restaurant only to find that they had locked the keys in the car. The husband insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found.

The husband then ran to a department store a few blocks away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and they both climbed in.

As they sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat. With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have one."

In The News:
Judge Orders FDA to Make Morning-After Pill Available Over the Counter for All Ages
A federal judge has ruled that the government must make the most common morning-after pill available over the counter for all ages, instead of requiring a prescription for girls 16 and younger, the New York Times reports. The decision comes after a decade-long fight over who should have access to the pill and under what circumstances, and counteracts an unprecedented move by the Obama administration's Health and Human Services secretary, Kathleen Sebelius, who in 2011 overruled a recommendation by the Food and Drug Administration to make the pill available for all ages without a prescription. In a decision in a lawsuit filed by advocates, judge Edward R. Korman ruled that the government's refusal to lift restrictions on access to the pill was "arbitrary, capricious and unreasonable." Korman ordered the FDA to lift any age and sale restrictions on the pill, Plan B One-Step, and its generic versions, within 30 days. The FDA and HHS declined to comment on the ruling Friday morning or indicate whether the government would file an appeal, saying the decision was being reviewed.

Egyptian Christians Face Increased Kidnappings
Kidnappers are targeting Christians in Egypt's southern Minya province, and church leaders say the rise of the Muslim Brotherhood is partly to blame, CBN News reports. More than 150 Christians, including children, have been kidnapped for ransom during the past two years in Minya province, home to many Christians as well as some of Egypt's most radical Islamists. Christian leaders say criminals are emboldened by the preaching of Islamic clerics who declare Christians are second-class citizens, but Christians rarely report the kidnappings because they don't believe the police will help them. One priest says local officials don't prosecute Muslims accused of attacking Christian homes and churches, and that encourages more crime. Christians make up about 10 percent of Egypt's 83 million people.

Pope Francis a Huge Hit With U.S. Catholics — For Now
He has been Pope Francis for less than a month, but the former archbishop of Buenos Aires is a hit with American Catholics -- at least for now, the Religion News Service reports. The tables may turn on Francis once media attention moves from his no-fuss style to his substantive actions, a Vatican expert said Wednesday, but he currently has an 84 percent favorable rating among U.S. Catholics, including 43 percent who hold a very favorable view of him, according to a new survey by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life. It is significantly higher than U.S. Catholics' view of Pope Benedict XVI early in his papacy, though the ratings are not directly comparable. Francis' favorable score was measured just two weeks into his papacy, while views on Benedict were surveyed three months after he became pope in 2005. Just 67 percent of U.S. Catholics had a favorable view of Benedict in the Pew Forum's measure in July 2005, by which point he had already taken a widely publicized unpopular action by firing the editor of the Jesuit magazine America. Americans had their highest view of Benedict in 2008 when he visited New York and Washington, D.C., but he never reached the 91 to 93 percent favorable heights hit by Pope John Paul II between 1987 and 1996, in Pew Forum research.

Rick Warren's Son Takes Own Life After Lifelong Battle With Mental Illness
The 27-year-old son of Saddleback Church pastor Rick Warren has taken his own life after a lifelong struggle with mental illness, the Christian Post reports. Warren made the announcement about his son in an email sent to his staff early Saturday morning. "No words can express the anguished grief we feel right now," Warren wrote. "Our youngest son, Matthew, age 27, and a lifelong member of Saddleback, died today. Over the past 33 years we've been together through every kind of crisis. Kay and I've been privileged to hold your hands as you faced a crisis or loss, stand with you at gravesides, and prayed for you when ill. Today, we need your prayer for us." Warren described Matthew as "an incredibly kind, gentle and compassionate man" but "only those closest knew that he struggled from birth with mental illness, dark holes of depression, and even suicidal thoughts. In spite of America's best doctors, meds, counselors and prayers for healing, the torture of mental illness never subsided." Warren went on: "Today, after a fun evening together with Kay and me, in a momentary wave of despair at his home, he took his life." In a statement from Saddleback, the church asked that everyone "join us in praying for the entire Warren family and that God's comfort and peace will be with them as they deal with this difficult situation."