Happy Wednesday

Why Did You ...? 

by Shaunti Feldman

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Shelly pulled up in her wet driveway after a beach getaway with girlfriends. She smiled, thinking, it's a shame the rain chased us away early, but at least I know the house is still standing.

She opened the door and tripped over a pile of schoolbooks. What on earth? Speechless, she stared at clutter everywhere. Cans of food and spaghetti sauce were stacked high on the island in the kitchen. Empty packets of Ramen noodles decorated the counter. The tool drawer had been emptied onto the kitchen table.

An angry cry escaped her lips and a muffled exclamation came from the laundry room. Her husband stuck his head out the door, looking chagrined. "You're home early!"

"Yes I'm home early!" Shelly waved around at the chaos. "I can't believe this! Why did you let it get this bad? And why were you feeding the kids instant noodles instead of something healthier?"

Without a word, Marcus pushed the door to the laundry room wide open and stepped aside so she could enter.

Furious, she stalked past him-and rocked to a stop. The back corner of the laundry room had been turned into a pantry. Fresh-cut wood shelves stacked up to the ceiling. Deep drawers were waiting to be slotted into a rolling rack. Dust sheets covered the washer and dryer, which were piled with food cans and packets, ready to be placed on the shelves of the pantry.

The pantry she had longed for.

Shelly closed her eyes. Mortified, all she could say was "I'm so sorry."

Shelly told me this story a week after it happened. I was speaking at her church's women's conference, sharing my research on the inner thoughts, needs and fears of men. I shared that men want above all to please those who matter most to them-especially a wife or girlfriend-but privately doubt themselves and are deeply sensitive as to whether they are doing a good job. So when women start a sentence with "Why did you. . .?," men hear, "Why did you do that, you dodo?"

Shelly's story is a perfect example of how easy it is to think, "You dodo." Not think, "There must be a good reason for this-even if I don't see it at this moment." Instead, like many of us, she was quick to assume there wasn't a good reason, that he didn't do a good job. And she verbalized those damaging thoughts.

Ephesians 4:29 tells us to be careful to only say things that are useful for building others up. While this applies to everyone in our lives, if we are married, it's especially vital to practice with our husbands.

Most situations with the men in our lives aren't as extreme as Shelly's experience. But versions of this scenario happen often. "Why did you give the kids juice instead of milk?" "Why did you take that road instead of this one?" "Why did you choose that strategy for the business deal?" We may protest that it is a harmless question, but all too often, it is code for "What were you thinking!?" Which itself is code for "You obviously weren't thinking."

The reality is, the reverse is usually true. Eighty-two percent of men surveyed say they always think things through ... and purposefully consider the reaction of their wife or girlfriend before making a decision.

The next time you are confounded by your husband, instead of a rash reaction, slow down and remind yourself: his heart is probably in the right place and his choices are likely made with that in mind. And if you need help ... just remember the pantry.

Dear Jesus, forgive me for being quick to judge and assume the worst about the man in my life. Please teach me to slow down and listen to him, and [if married] to trust in his love. In Your Name, Amen.

Oh How I Love JESUS

1. There is a name I love to hear, 
 I love to sing its worth; 
 it sounds like music in my ear, 
 the sweetest name on earth.  
Refrain:
 O how I love Jesus, 
 O how I love Jesus, 
 O how I love Jesus, 
 because he first loved me!

2. It tells me of a Savior's love, 
 who died to set me free; 
 it tells me of his precious blood, 
 the sinner's perfect plea.
 (Refrain)

3. It tells of one whose loving heart 
 can feel my deepest woe; 
 who in each sorrow bears a part 
 that none can bear below.
 (Refrain)

Daily Smile:  

A man was sitting at an interview, in his new suit, looking his very best. As he put his hands down to make a point, he and his interviewer noticed the price tag was still attached to the sleeve. 

"Well", the man said, "at least I can take the suit back if I don't get the job.

In The News:

More Americans Now See Homosexuality as Orientation From Birth

Currently, 47 percent of Americans view being gay or lesbian as a sexual orientation individuals are born with, while 33 percent instead believe it is due to external factors such as upbringing or environment, according to a new Gallup poll. That 14-percentage-point gap in favor of "nature" over "nurture" is the largest Gallup has measured to date. As recently as two years ago, the public was evenly divided. The poll also found that 65 percent of Americans believe gay or lesbian relations between consenting adults should be legal -- numerically the highest Gallup has measured by one percentage point, but not materially different from what Gallup has measured for the past three years. Americans' support for legal gay marriage has also solidified above 50 percent.

Boy Scouts of America Approaches Vote on Gay Membership

Next Thursday, some 1,400 members of Boy Scouts of America's national council are expected to vote on the resolution seeking to revise the organization's membership policy on homosexuality at their annual meeting in Grapevine, Texas. If accepted, the resolution would lift an existing ban on youth who are "open or avowed" homosexuals. A ban on adult leaders, however, would remain in place. "There is going to be a showdown in Grapevine Texas," said Cathy Ruse, senior legal fellow at Family Research Council, on Tuesday. "There are troubling reports of an influx of delegates. Votes at meetings are done by voice votes, this time it will be paper ballots filled out in delegates' hotel rooms and counted by friends of the BSA executive," said Ruse in describing what she believes is a calculated and elaborate push to deceive the organization's delegates to support the resolution.