The GOD Without
A Thanksgiving Message by Jack Kelley
Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess its NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
(Long pause, sound of phone dropping, sleepy voice:) Argh!
(Pause.) Hello... (Sound of phone dropping, then a yawn.) Sorry man... I'm a bit tired at the moment... (Long yawn.) I'm going back to sleep now... Just going to switch the answering machine on...
Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test. 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? ...
BEEP Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I cant answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
You've reached Mike and Nancy's answering machine. They're not home right now. At least, I don't think they are. Hang on. (Voice moves away from recording microphone.) Mike? Nancy? (Voice comes back.) Nope, they're not here, so at the beep...
Hello, please send me email instead. I always never playback these stupid answering machine messages. Besides, I am probably online right now.
This is Frank. You can leave me a message, but I must warn you I get annoyed with messages that are hard to read. So please use your shift key appropriately, avoid overdoing punctuation, and spell-check your message, or I might ignore it.
OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions?
Despite the best efforts of the telephone company, you really DID reach 555-1234. But that didn't help much, did it? You still have to talk to a machine.
Hello. If you're calling with bad news, leave your message now. If its good news, wait for the tone.
(Game show-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers in background.) If you'd like to join the game, please leave your name and number at the beep, and we'll try to reach you when you're not around. And thanks once again for playing Phone Tag!
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.
Hello. Here are my answers to last weeks messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Maybe. At seven. You'll get it tomorrow. For sure. Get me that phone number. Thanks, I take my messages on Mondays.
1 pound ground beef
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
2 1/2 tablespoons chili powder
1 clove garlic, minced
1 bay leaf
1 jalapeno pepper, chopped
1 can tomatoes, chopped, undrained, (28 ounces)
1 can tomato sauce, (14 ounces)
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1 can chili beans or kidney beans, undrained, (15 ounces)
Cook first 3 ingredients in a large saucepan until meat is browned, stirring until it crumbles; drain. Add chili powder and next 8 ingredients, stirring well; bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer, stirring occasionally, 1 hour and 30 minutes to 2 hours. Add beans, stirring well, and cook until thoroughly heated.
Yield: 6 Servings