Thursday, October 31, 2013
by Sis Bee Jay
Has anyone out there ever been angry with your mother or father for something they did or didn’t do when you were younger, and then you are still holding it against them? I mean you are now grown and you are still holding it against them? True, what they did, or didn’t do, may have been atrocious; may have been horrific. But the point is that we are now grown and some of us are still holding it against them. Some may be still trying to get their mothers or fathers to love them like they want them to. And every decision you have made has been made with the remembrance of your past and with the idea of getting revenge against your parents.
So many people’s lives have been affected negatively because of unforgiveness, bitterness and revengeful purposes. I remember the day when I first realized that my parents were no saints. I was literally angry because they had reared us with high morals. I thought to myself, how could they? After all, they did things when they were young that they told us not to do!
It was not until I was in my early twenties that I finally realized that my parents were human and were not perfect! So being imperfect, they made mistakes. And I forgave them at that time, and began to accept the people that they were and I respected them. Every son or daughter must come to the point that they realize that their parents are not perfect. They made mistakes and in so doing, they may not have been capable of loving us like we would have wanted them to, or they may not have acted like we would have wanted them to act. So at some point we should make the decision that we will love them for who they are, not for who we would have wanted them to be.
The same thing goes for husbands, children and siblings. We love them for who they are, not for who we would have them be. Some of them have hurt you terribly, but nobody’s perfect. We all have hurt somebody! Jesus gave us a good example when He loved us and died for us even while we were yet sinners.If we have received so great a forgiveness, then who are we to withhold forgiveness to others, especially those so close to us?
Extending that a bit, you can see now that if you are able to forgive momma because she was that young mother who didn’t ever know how to love her children effectively, or she didn’t come to your rescue when you were molested, or she was never home because she was out with different men, then you can see that you can also forgive anybody their trespasses that have been against you. Now you can love the unlovable.
I think back to my grandmother-in-law. She was conceived as the result of a well respected man of another race taking advantage of her young mother. Her mother was not able to keep her and rear her because she was just too young and inexperienced. So another older lady in the community, who felt compassion for her, asked her if she could take the child. Her mother consented and she gave her baby to this other woman.
The other woman took advantage of grandma when she was a child and made her do hard labor around the house. So when she was fifteen years old, she married and had her first child. Grandma was very fair skinned and beautiful and this caused her to be persecuted all of her days by her own people. Because she herself had never been loved, she did not know how to love her children. She never, ever used the word love and she appeared unemotional and rude at times. But everyone knew that grandma cared deeply about her family, but she just couldn’t express it in words. She tried at times to express her love in deeds, but she had difficulty doing that too. If her children and grandchildren were to love her, and they did, it was not for her being flowery and lovable, but because she was who she was. They just loved grandma for her being grandma.
In conclusion, I would say, let’s don’t make people over before we love them and lets do love our parents, just because they are our parents.